Saturday 23 April 2016 by Tommy Charles

Britain First members collectively on the vinegar strokes for Saint George’s Day


Britain First

Members of the political party Britain First are collectively approaching the point of sexual climax for Saint George’s Day.

As their most important day of the year is enjoyed across the country, a large contingent of supporters has gathered in a field in Dover to engage in the annual “Circle Jerk” ceremony.

The ritual begins in earnest one week before the day itself, with the elders howling across the cliffs as a warning to migrants in Calais, before initiating a process of tantric masturbation and chanting of “taking back our country”. This continues until dawn on 23rd April.

On the eve of the big day, the atmosphere builds as a low hum ripples across the field and as the sun rises on the day itself, this crescendos into a powerful roar as hundreds of sweaty groaning beasts achieve heavy orgasm in unison.

Revellers will close the festival by taking to Facebook and Twitter to express their outrage at the general indifference to the day, citing political correctness gone mad and ‘muslamification’ of the United Kingdom.

One regular attendee told us: “We are just sick of not being allowed to celebrate this glorious day to honour the greatest Englishman of all time, who slayed a dragon for our sins.”

Another added: “This is the best day of my life.”

Onlooker Paul Fernandes asked, “Do they know he wasn’t English?” Conceding, “I wouldn’t mind having a bank holiday for this, to be fair.”

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