Friday 22 April 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Woman who said streaming doesn’t pay enough named UK’s wealthiest female musician


Adele on rich list

A woman who doesn’t think she’s paid enough by websites for streaming her songs has been found to be worth £85million.

The relative unknown, Adele, has been declared the UK’s wealthiest female musician.

Other musicians who have complained about egregious rates of pay include multi-multi-millionaire Noel Gallagher and some bloke out of Pink Floyd, who owns a Caribbean island and last worked in 1977.

Music fan Simon Williams, who has had a worthless 70-hour-a-week job for the last 35 years removing rubbish so people don’t catch the bubonic plague, agrees that they should be paid more, “Adele’s talent had seen her rightly move into the world’s top 1%.

“Let’s get her even higher up that rich list, because merely being on it is clearly not enough for a woman of her talents.

“Do not forget that offensively rich musicians like this do a lot of work highlighting the plight of inequality in society.

Williams, who claims he does not enjoy his job, nor would he do it as a hobby if he was unpaid, continued, “Frankly, top musicians are not remunerated nearly enough in this world as they work very, very hard for a few months to make an album.

“It’s not as if they reap the profits of that for the rest of their lives without any extra effort.

“Ok, maybe that’s a bad example. What I mean is I don’t take one bag of rubbish out, then expect to get royalties for every single person who didn’t die because that rubbish wasn’t attracting disease-ridden rats and Ebola cockroaches.

“What I’m trying to get across, very inadequately I admit, is that if I didn’t take out said rubbish, people would probably get dysentery and die. Whereas if people didn’t hear these songs, well… it… it probably wouldn’t make much difference.

Williams then paused for a good long while before declaring angrily, “The fucking, moaning, greedy BASTARDS!”

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