Friday 22 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

‘I’m not hungover, I’m just tired,’ insists Queen


Queen birthday

The Queen has issued a statement declaring that she is not hungover this morning, but just a little ‘tired’.

“On the occasion of the day after her royal birthday,” read an official statement from Buckingham Palace, “Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II wishes it to be known that she is definitely not hungover because she doesn’t get hangovers.

“Her Majesty is, however, quite tired and suspects that she must not have slept terribly well last night.”

Suspicions regarding the Queen’s condition were raised when a bleary-eyed monarch was spotted through the window guzzling a bottle of Duchy of Cornwall spring water. However, the statement cleared that up.

“Her Majesty did find herself somewhat thirsty this morning but puts that down to her room being a little stuffy.”

The statement continued with a request to well-wishers outside the palace.

“While Her Majesty is tremendously grateful for the good wishes of her subjects, she requests that they keep the noise down as she has some very difficult Queenly duties to perform and would appreciate silence to allow her to concentrate.”

The statement ended with a warning to visitors to Buckingham Palace.”

“Stay away from the toilets on the third floor, although Her Majesty is adamant that she is not responsible for the smell and it must have been Prince Phillip.”

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