Friday 22 April 2016 by Tommy Charles

Grim Reaper given final written warning


Grim Reaper

The Grim Reaper has been issued a final written warning after a series of high-profile cock-ups, it has emerged.

God, his employer, is said to be furious at the recent spate of catastrophic errors, including him taking David Bowie, Lemmy and now Victoria Wood and Prince in quick succession.

“The boss is incandescent with rage and when Prince showed up he immediately went on the warpath,” a divine source told us.

“Some of us already thought the Grim Reaper was putting together a garage band in his spare time, as he’s always fancied himself as a bit of a muso.

“But God has given Grimmy one more chance out of respect for his years of dedicated service. Though if he makes another mistake he’s history.”

Bookmakers have earmarked Lemmy as the early favourite at 4/6 to succeed the Grim Reaper as the Angel of Death should he be sacked, with Ronnie Corbett an outside bet at 30/1.

Mr Reaper has remained tight-lipped on the controversy but it is believed he is already weighing up his options, with an offer of a place on the X-Factor panel reportedly on the table.

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