Thursday 21 April 2016 by Matt Ward

MasterChef food critics rehearsing new ways to express complete revulsion


Revulsion and disgust at Masterchef food

The food critics on BBC MasterChef are busy rehearsing new ways to show abject disgust for the food they’ll be served in this year’s final.

With the vast majority of high-quality restaurant food completely unfit for their fragile yet perfectly-honed taste buds, the team are preparing their reactions for the rancid tripe that will be dished up by this year’s finalists.

“I’ll get myself into the right zone by thinking deeply about something very sad – like a starving baby seal or seriously injured kitten,” said journalist and broadcaster, Tracey Macleod.

“Then I’ll sniff whatever they give me and stare straight into the camera silently mouthing the word ‘repugnant’ over and over again.”

Permanently disappointed critic, Charles Campion, plans to take a far more direct approach.

“Whatever it is, I’m going to silently push it from left to right on my plate for a whole minute then drop-kick it straight back into the kitchen, before calmly getting up and leaving the venue with a flourish.

“Remember – I eat a shit load of very expensive food,” he added. “And that gives me carte blanche.”

Magazine Editor, William Sitwell, added: “If it’s soup, I’m going to dip the very edge of my fork in it then hold it up to the light while comparing it to a mid-range dog food.

“On second thoughts, I hope it’s chicken. Then I’ll take a tiny bite before smugly proclaiming ‘chicken doesn’t get any tougher than this’ in the style of Greg Wallace.

“Absolute classic.”

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