Wednesday 20 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Quitting EU first step to reclaiming British Empire say ‘Vote Leave’


Brexit

The ‘Vote Leave’ campaign group has sketched out a bold view of a future where leaving the EU is only the first step along a path that ends with Britain re-establishing the Empire.

“People ask us what Britain outside the EU looks like,” said campaign heavyweight Michael Gove.

“I’ll tell you; it looks like – 1890.

“For far too long we’ve had to put up with a load of uppity tommy-rot from Johnny Foreigner, so first things first; we leave the EU and let the Bosch and the Frenchies have at each other.”

Mr Gove went on to explain plans to reclaim India.

“Without having to worry about all that EU nonsense about banning sausages, straightening bananas and being nice to Italians, we can focus on bringing India back under our control.

“And Pakistan, obviously. ‘Vote Leave’ doesn’t recognise the Partition.”

This could all be achieved peacefully, claimed Mr Gove.

“Yes, the Indian is a naturally subservient chap. Times of trouble and he looks to his betters for governance.”

India, says Mr Gove, would then be the foothold to reclaiming the rest of the Empire.

“Once India is back in the bosom of Britannia then I think it would just be a matter of time before we saw the former colonies begging to come back; Australia, America, the nicer bits of Africa, just as it should be.”

Should Great Britain vote to leave the EU, it is understood that Mr Gove would also seek to reintroduce the workhouse, child labour and the daily thrashing of the lower orders to keep them in check.

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