Wednesday 20 April 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Mitsubishi makes podium in data falsification Grand Prix


Mitsubishi tests

Mitsubishi has taken a worthy runners-up place in the race for motoring manufacturers to declare they falsified fuel economy tests.

While Volkswagen was victorious ‘by some margin’, finishing well ahead of the rest of the field and deservedly winning the majority of the abuse, there has been a very much expected scramble as every single other motoring manufacturer coughs and splutters CO2 to cross the finish line.

Managing Director of Mitsubishi and chronic asthmatic Simon Williams ecstatically declared, “This is very much a victory for Mitsubishi. After a worrying few months, we realised that not only were we not going to get away with it, neither is any other vehicle manufacturer.

“At that point, it was a race to finish second.

“First position takes all the crap and the majority of the share price drop, whereas declaring last makes you look like right dicks.

“So, ideally, you want to be somewhere in between. Distinctly average. Like our cars.”

When pressed as to when this started happening, Williams explained, “A very similar thing happened in the banking industry, where someone turned out to be a complete bastard, but it turns out everyone was a complete bastard and then lots of them lost their jobs.

“Anyway, we hired them, and the industry went tits-up from then really.”

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