Tuesday 19 April 2016 by Lucas Wilde

EU referendum bastardry peaks with arrival of Michael Bloody Gove


Michael Gove

The EU referendum debate has reached critical mass for bastardry with the opinions of the government’s biggest tosspot.

Michael “Bloody” Gove this morning put forward the case for leaving the EU, his fucking chin moving up and down like a shit as he told the world how brilliant it would be for the British public to leave themselves at the mercy of the UK government alone.

“I’ve never vomited into my cereal before,” said radio listener, Simon Williams.

“But Gove popped up like a massive bastard and now there’s street pizza all over my crunchy nut cornflakes.

“Still, I suppose the worst is over with now. The debate can’t possibly match that for levels of bastard; unless Donald Trump weighs in, which I admit is a distinct possibility but I instinctively switch off when I hear his voice anyway.”

Michael Gove spoke for an agonising twelve minutes on the radio before returning to the important matter of completely screwing up whatever job it is that he’s doing these days.

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