Tuesday 19 April 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Dinosaurs were in decline long before asteroid strike due to ‘Pangaexit’


Dinosaurs pangean exit

The dinosaurs were in decline long before any monumental asteroid strike due to an ill-advised exit from the Pangaean Union.

Triceratops Simon Williams, barely believably speaking through a time trumpet, said, “I hate to say it, but the Osbornosaurus was right when he said leaving the supercontinent would cost us individually.”

As portrayed in the petrifying horror biopic, ‘The Good Dinosaur’, it cost the terrifying beasts about 4,600 tonnes of food each per annum, which is all the more impressive for an intuitive numbering system that would not exist for another 250 million years.

“We shouldn’t have listened to the Goveopteryx,who said it was a good idea.

“Turns out the ‘giant lizard’ just wanted to fuck us royally and was actually breaking off a bit of land called ‘Panamaea’, just for his mates, who eventually evolved into snakes and weasels.

“More fool us for voting them in charge, just when we thought we’d established a civilised society.”

New evidence has come to light suggesting that the ’asteroid’ that destroyed all life on earth may have in fact been a euphemism for ‘global financial meltdown’, created by the greedy dinosaurs in the banking sector.

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