Monday 18 April 2016 by Gregor Paton

Jamie Vardy sainthood in jeopardy


Jamie Vardy red card

Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy’s proposed sainthood is rumoured to be under threat after his halo slipped and he was shown a red card for diving at the weekend.

The sending off means his dream season has been thrown into turmoil in the final straight.

Everything the jet-heeled striker has touched this season has turned to gold, scoring for fun for club and country, but the red card is threatening to derail plans to see him canonised.

At the start of this week, his odds of having the Xmas number one lengthened dramatically after Ant and Dec were chosen to represent The UK in the Eurovision Song Contest, ahead of the Leicester City Golden Boy.

Worse was to come on Sunday night. After his red card earlier in the day, he was refused entry into Leicester’s Lucky Fox Weatherspoons by a vigilant Bouncer.

The disgruntled Doorman told us, “We don’t want his sorts coming in here. If he can’t behave himself on the pitch what is he going to be like with a couple of pints of Stella inside him?”

Having been proposed for Canonisation by Match of the Day anchorman Gary Lineker, the Vatican were considering bestowing their highest honour on the Leicester City frontman, to go with the knighthood, Freedom of Leicester and Blue Peter badge he has already earned this season – but after Sunday’s dive, that now seems to be under review.

A spokesman for The Vatican, Cardinal Simoni Williams, said, “We don’t hand out Sainthoods to any Tom, Dick or Harry Kane.

“You have to be holier than thou, and we certainly do not condone simulation. Although it’s still preferable to using a condom.”

With his Beatification hanging in the balance, it is unclear if Vardy’s guest appearance in Countdown’s Dictionary Corner will still go ahead this week.

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