Friday 15 April 2016 by Harry Palmer

Qatar wins bid to host Glastonbury 2018


Glastonbury Qatar 2018

Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis has confirmed that the festival will move away from Worthy Farm for the first time in 2018 when it will be hosted by Qatar.

“Every five years we have a fallow year to let the ground recover,” says Eavis.

“But instead in 2018 we’re going to up tent-pegs and move to another venue, and I’m delighted to announce that Qatar were the successful bidders.

“The fact is that I’m getting too old to miss out on any festivals, and wasn’t all that keen on missing out on seven figure sums being deposited in my bank account by a regime with a dubious human rights record.”

Regular Glastonbury-goers have expressed concerns about the extreme temperatures which are common to the desert area earmarked for the festival, but Eavis is confident this will be addressed.

“The plan is to address people suffering heat stroke by having cooling jets of water sprayed over the crowds at 5-minute intervals so that it will feel like the audience are being rained on – plus the sandy desert will soon turn to mud and they’ll feel right at home.”

The government of Qatar have said that they will do everything they can to make ‘Qatarbury’ a once in a lifetime experience.

“We welcome everyone to our wonderful country,” said a spokesman.

“We love young people and their music. Everyone will be welcome – except for gays and anyone bringing drugs or alcohol, who will be viciously flogged, obviously.”

Despite initial optimism the proposed move to Qatar suffered a serious setback earlier today when Coldplay confirmed they would still be available to headline.

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