Tuesday 12 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Politicians to publish all the financial affairs they think they can get away with


George Osborne Tax affairs

Politicians have begun to publish all the detail of their tax affairs that you’re ever likely to find out about.

“Let me be clear,” said Prime Minister David Cameron, prefacing what is certain to be a statement of utmost clarity, openness and truth.

“This statement of my affairs represents absolutely everything that I think anyone’s ever likely to uncover about my financial arrangements.

“Hypothetically, if I did use more complex tax efficiency plans, then they would be so well protected that they could never be connected to me, and therefore there would be absolutely no point in revealing them.”

George Osborne and Boris Johnson also joined the Prime Minister in publishing what they hope is enough detail into their financial affairs as to make the whole story go away.

The public appears satisfied by the revelations.

“Yeah, alright, whatever,” said Simon Williams, an office drone from Worksop.

“I was always rubbish at maths and this story seems full of really, really hard sums. Can’t we just get back to focussing on hating Muslims?”

Meanwhile the media is focussing on the true scandal of the politician’s tax revelations; Jeremy Corbyn’s £100 fine for late submission of his tax return.

The corrupt shit.

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