Monday 11 April 2016 by Gary Stanton

Wills and Kate embark on tour of Mumbai slums


William and Kate India slums

Wills and Kate have taken time out from their latest holiday in India to visit a rat-infested Mumbai shit hole.

The Royal couple have pointedly shunned Mumbai’s business leaders and entrepreneurs to show solidarity with India’s prominent dirty street urchins.

Kate and the comb-over Prince will visit the former set of Slumdog Millionaire where Kate will spend the recommended three seconds holding hands with a leper.

Earlier today, the former Miss Middleton hitched up her £1700 dress by Emilia Wickstead to empty her bowels into an open latrine.

Royal Correspondent, Simon Williams, said, “The latrine was an unscheduled stop, but the Duchess had a King Prawn Jalfrezi last night, which turned out to be a real ring-stinger.”

Kate was then offered Western-style toilet paper by local beggars, which she gracefully used to remove liquid faeces from her piping-hot anus.

Williams added, “Kate wowed the crowds by not getting shit on a dress that cost more than locals earn in two years.”

Kate also spent time at a local, underfunded “street clinic”, where she impressed the World’s press by not looking bored.

Tomorrow, the delightful pair will fly to New Delhi, where the Prince will lay a wreath in memory of those slaughtered by his ancestors.

Williams added, “The trip represents the best of what two countries working together can achieve, but it’s obviously you that’s paying for it.”

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