Monday 11 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Call for all politicians to be regularly kicked up the arse gains widespread support


Kick up the arse

A call for politicians of all parties to be kicked up the arse once a week is gaining popularity.

Simon Williams, a seat warmer from Chelmsford, initially suggested the regular arse-kicking on social media on Friday and the suggestion has gained popularity over the weekend.

“I just thought that every now and again, a leak happens and we find out that politicians have been dodging taxes, claiming fake expenses, being mates with awful, awful dictators, saying that eggs are full of diseases, having a big wank in a cupboard with an orange in their mouth and who knows what else.

“What about all the things we don’t know about? I mean, for all we know, they could be involved in a massive conspiracy with aliens to take over the planet.

“I mean, I know that’s unlikely, but who would have thought a year ago that the Prime Minister of Great Britain had once put his penis in a dead pig?

“I just thought that if once a week, all politicians received a big kick up the arse, then that could balance out all the weird, corrupt, and rank unpleasant things they get up to that we don’t hear about.”

If the proposal is implemented it, it is expected that Channel 5 will screen a highlights package hosted by Kirsty Wark and Will.I.Am.

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