Friday 8 April 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Man who made money from hidden offshore account has nothing to hide


David Cameron

David Cameron has nothing to hide now that he’s done making money from something that was hidden.

The king of face polish has made it abundantly clear that he has been completely transparent about his financial arrangements which have only just come to light after many years of being completely secret.

“Yep, all in the open now,” grinned Mr. Cameron, “absolutely nothing to worry about for anyone, especially me, or the Parliamentary Standards Committee.

“I have nothing to hide regarding my hitherto secret profits from an offshore account, details of which were leaked by someone other than me, for which I’m really fucking grateful, by the way.

“To be clear, this is absolutely not the same as someone saying they’re giving up gambling shortly after winning the lottery. That is absolutely not an appropriate analogy, so please don’t use it.”

Journalist, Simon Williams, said, “that’s actually better than my existing analogy of a greedy prick promising not to be greedy anymore.

“I’m not a very good writer, you see.”

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