Thursday 7 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

World’s first two-dimensional supermodel unveiled in Gucci’s latest campaign


Skinny model

Gucci’s Spring campaign will feature a supermodel who exists only in two dimensions.

“Like all normal people we find that women who have dimensional depth are revolting,” said Gucci representative Giovanni Fuckhead yesterday.

“So our new campaign will feature a beautiful girl who has had pioneering cosmetic surgery to remove her disgusting third dimension and finally achieve the true feminine shape and size that everyone wants.

“Obviously, when I say ‘everyone’ I mean ‘men who run the fashion industry,’ but as far as we’re concerned, we’re the only ones that matter.”

Mr Fuckhead was keen to emphasize that the model wasn’t just flat.

“No, no, a flat model would still have a discernible edge and could be viewed, however slightly, from the side.

“This may be acceptable for other, lesser fashion houses, but for Gucci, a model is only beautiful if she is invisible from the side.”

Gucci was recently criticised for using a model in a recent campaign who could have successfully hidden behind some string, with the advertising authorities saying the model was ‘unhealthily thin.’

But Gucci defended the use the emaciated–looking model and their new two dimensional model saying that the images were aimed at an ‘older, sophisticated audience’, and insisted that the people who found it distasteful to pedal an unachievable ideal of beauty to the detriment of women’s health were ‘probably just fat’.

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