Wednesday 6 April 2016 by Eddie Hitler and Davywavy

Women to face fines if husbands not microchipped


Husband's microchipped

Women who have not had their husbands microchipped could face fines of up to £500 under new laws introduced today.

All husbands in England, Wales and Scotland are now legally required to be chipped within eight weeks of marriage under measures to allow lost and strays to be reunited with their owners.

The government says millions of men are not yet chipped, leading to all kinds of problems at closing time when unclaimed packs can roam the streets at all hours.

Chipping is a simple process, with a microchip of about the size of a grain of rice being implanted under a fold of loose skin – which most husbands have plenty of.

Microchipping is vital for good husband welfare,  a spokesman told us, and provides a simple solution for responsible women to provide both peace of mind and ensure their much-loved husband can be traced.

“We get a lot of stray husbands wandering the streets with no indication of who owns them”, we were told.

“Often an unclaimed husband can be adopted by another family, which leads to all kinds of problems when the original owner is identified.

“This way if a husband is lost or stolen or is picked up and put in a council shelter the microchip can be scanned and matched to contact details stored on a database.”

It is expected that the proposals will reduce the huge cost of husbands making unplanned and lengthy stays in branches of Premier Inn.

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