Wednesday 6 April 2016 by Gary Stanton

Warning as UK’s leading psychopath learns to feign emotions


Iain Duncan Smith learns to fake emotions

The public are on high alert this morning after Iain Duncan Smith appeared to shed tears during a TV interview.

Smith was seen to “cry” while quizzed by Ian Hislop about the impact of his disability reforms from the comfort of his safety harness.

Hislop said, “He was talking about a one-legged single mother with fewer prospects when his voice broke and water began spilling down his face.”

“I did what any normal person would do and collected some of it in a vial.”

A sample of the tear-like fluid was later sent to a laboratory to determine the overall salt content.

In order to appear more sympathetic, the former Work and Pensions Secretary is said to have employed the same “emotions coach” as currently struggling Scottish tennis star Andy Murray.

Emotions expert, Simon Williams, said, “Smith saw Murray break down after yet another defeat to Novak Djokovic and thought if he can do it – why can’t I?”

IDS now has complete mastery over the lip quivering technique after studying footage of Paul Gascoigne during Italia 90.

Smith’s emotional outburst comes just days after fellow psychopath, George Osborne, expressed “sadness” at the plight of the snow leopard.

Williams added, “We are talking about an individual who previously failed to shed a single tear during repeat screenings of E.T; specifically the scene in which the cute alien fucks off back to the mother ship.”

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