Tuesday 5 April 2016 by Davywavy

‘Optimistic’ to be defined as a three-year contract with Chelsea


Antonio Conte

Antonio Conte has set new standards in optimism by signing a three-year contract with Chelsea.

The contract, which runs until 2019, is a touching triumph of hope over experience.

Conte is understood to be confident of seeing the contract to its end without incident and is looking to buy somewhere near the ground to live in during his tenure, bless him.

The deal also promises a £5m bonus for winning the Champions League, although it is not known if the contract also came with a free pair of rose-tinted spectacles.

Standing in front of a large, ticking clock, a spokesman for Chelsea explained that all Conte needs to do to ensure his contract isn’t dropped like a hot rock is restore Eden Hazard’s form, ensure John Terry doesn’t leave, make the right picks in the transfer window with no money, and win the double and maybe the Champions League a couple of times.

“Simples!” he added.

At time of writing Antonio Conte is reported to be reconsidering whether to bother unpacking his toothbrush.

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