Saturday 2 April 2016 by Daredevil

Corbett, Daniels and Wogan beat the crap out of Jimmy Savile


Reports from the other side today indicate that Ronnie Corbett, Paul Daniels and Terry Wogan have got Jimmy Savile in a corner and are lathering the fuck out of him for ruining people’s memories of the 70s and 80s.

Savile, who thought he’d got away with it, is reported to be cowering in a pathetic heap, waving his hands and bawling “Now then…now then…” through the remnants of his cigar.

The altercation began when Ronnie Corbett took a good run up to Savile and headbutted him firmly in the groin, followed by Daniels announcing he was going to teach him a few tricks he wasn’t going to like at all and producing a length of rubber hose from up his sleeve.

Initially reluctant to join in the beating for fear of damaging his rather nice brogues, Wogan was induced to send the boot in after being reminded that he’d never be able to watch any of his favourite episodes of Top of the Pops again without cringing.

Shortly afterwards Kenny Everett turned up, cracked his knuckles meaningfully, and said something about this being in the best possible taste.

The group were well known for their charity work and it’s nice to know they’re continuing their good deeds in the next world.

The attack is being punctuated with sarcastic cries of “Goodness gracious, how’s about that then? And that. And fucking that, you twat.”

At time of writing, Alan Rickman has just arrived and asked for a spoon.

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