Tuesday 29 March 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Nicky Morgan clinically addicted to being on television


Nicky Morgan

Tragic Education minister Nicky Morgan has revealed that she will undergo treatment for an addiction to appearing on television.

“I have an illness, I am addicted to appearing on television,” said Ms Morgan, whilst on television.

“I find that if I do not appear on television at least three or four times a day for at least fifteen minutes, then I begin to experience anxiety, irritability and chronic and devastating bowel malfunction.

“I would do anything to appear on television, and I mean ‘anything,’ ask Kirsty Wark.

“From Question Time to Babestation, from QVC’s diamante cat hour to a thing on BBC4 about medieval cake-making. I’ll do anything on anything. I’m ashamed to say I’ve even sunk as low as to appear on Daily Politics with Andrew Neil.”

Ms Morgan will receive a tapering treatment that will see her gradually cut back the length of time she appears on television and the frequency of appearances until she only appears every now and again on Andrew Marr.

The public seemed broadly sympathetic to her plight.

“Bloody right I hope she gets treatment, I’m sick of the sight of her,” said avid television fan Simon Williams.

“She’s on telly more often than those bastard meerkats.”

Inevitably, Ms Morgan’s treatment will play out in a 6-part Channel 5 documentary about being addicted to appearing on television.

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