Tuesday 29 March 2016 by Spacey

Foreign lawbreakers forcing decent UK criminals to Costa del Sol, warn Vote Leave


EU membership has left the UK’s ailing lawbreakers struggling to compete with foreign criminals, according to the Leave campaign.

Vote Leave claim that our own hardworking, British murderers and rapists are fleeing to Spain as they look to avoid being forgotten.

“Eastern Europeans have cornered the market in ATM fraud, and overseas grooming gangs are putting our nonces to shame,” said a Vote Leave spokesperson.

“The fact is, British criminals are struggling to compete with immigrants.”

According to 32 year-old thief Simon Williams, British fraudsters are more than equal to their Eastern European counterparts but disproportionate media coverage could see him end up on an immoral scrapheap.

“When the papers run stories claiming that Romanians are behind 90% of all ATM fraud in the UK, what chance have I got of getting on Crimewatch?” he asks.

“It’s scandalous that they’re getting all the credit for me taking people’s credit.”

Williams went on to accuse the media of purposely undermining the contribution of British criminals to UK crime figures.

“If you’re British and the ringleader of a criminal operation you’re called a crime boss, but if you’re foreign you’re called a crime lord.

“The media are purposely talking us down.”

27 year-old violent thug Darryl Kennedy claims that it’s not just in the UK that the behaviour of British criminals is going unrecognised.

“I’ve read a lot of stuff about the Roma urinating and having sex in the street, but compared to my antics in Magaluf last year, that’s fucking child’s play! Where’s my two-page spread?

“I’ve dedicated years of my life to striking fear into the hearts of the British public, and yet they’re shitting themselves before immigrants even get off the plane!

“I’ve got no choice but to join the hundreds of British criminals who move to Spain for a better life.”

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