Sunday 27 March 2016 by Raggedyman

People who like Batman Vs Superman to be given police protection


Superman vs Batman

The Metropolitan Police have confirmed that they will be assigning officers to keep Batman Vs Superman likers free from roving bands of film critics.

The Likers, a small but growing cult, are to be given protection following a number of incidents where their radical views that Batman Vs Superman wasn’t all that terrible has resulted in violence and death.

“In a modern, liberal society we have to accept that freedom of speech has to be extended to everyone. Including these sick individuals,” Superintendent Simon Williams confirmed.

“The majority may not agree that they should be allowed to have moderately enjoyed the film, but they are legally allowed to say that in the pub and not be glassed for it.”

Mike Harper, of the League Against Bad Superhero Movies, has reacted against the announcement, saying that tar and feathering those with a different view on films is a fine English tradition.

“Yes, it has a couple of nice bits with Affleck, and Wonder Woman is really good. But does that mean children should be exposed to the terrible dialogue, glaring plot holes, and pointless dream sequences?

“Bringing back public editing is the only option here.

“No, I haven’t read much of the comics since I was 12. Why do you ask?”

One of the victims of the persecution, Brian Richards of 12 Matterson Avenue, Hinckley, spoke to reporters under the promise of anonymity.

“I was going down the street with a couple of friends and I said ‘it wasn’t as bad as Fantastic Four’. Next thing I knew I was thrown under an oncoming bus with them chanting ‘kill the Snyder lover!’

“I’m now in hiding lest the Comic Book Purists get involved, or anyone finds out I’m kind of excited about Aquaman.”

Donald Trump has meanwhile pledged to “shut down” people who like Superman vs Batman getting into the USA until he can figure out what’s wrong with them.

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