Wednesday 23 March 2016 by Gary Stanton

Muslim refugees rescue Nick Griffin from bizarre gardening accident


Nick Griffin

Two Syrian refugees have been praised by Britain’s far right for saving the life of chubby nationalist Nick Griffin.

Griffin had been removing genetically inferior tadpoles from a nearby fish pond when his leg became entwined around the flex of a 1980s Flymo, with potentially fatal consequences.

As the machine hit the water, Griffin received a bigger shock than at the 2010 Barking by-election.

Fortunately Griffin’s screams were heard by passing devout Syrians Ibrahim Melic and Ali Muktar, who believe God created all men equal, including fascists.

However the corpulent right-winger initially resisted the pair’s efforts to help after mistaking mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for a homosexual advance.

Griffin said, “As with the Question Time debate on immigration, I was technically dead in the water for two minutes.”

Meanwhile the Syrians have been praised for their “humane deed”, by far-right groups like Britain First and the UK government.

Griffin added, “I had a near death experience and full life review, during which Christ persuaded me that the holocaust was a factual event not an ITV period drama.

“He’s not like you expect. For instance, the Jesus at my local church has wavy blonde hair.”

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