Wednesday 23 March 2016 by Davywavy

Facebook to add ‘mute until after election’ button


Facebook mute button

Facebook is to add a button that will you allow you to mute people until the US elections are over, they have announced.

Recognising that everyone has at least one friend who is both utterly fixated and monomaniacally partisan, they have introduced the feature so you don’t have to read Bernie Sanders memes every five fucking minutes.

Similarly, posts about Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump and some others who nobody has really heard of will no longer clutter up your feed, dramatically improving your quality of life at a stroke.

Engineers are also working on a system which will automatically replace text-on-a-picture posts with a cute gif of a baby rabbit falling off a bed, which will make everyone happier.

Studies show that up to 114% of some people’s posts are enraged exhortations to vote like them, or even angrier exhortations about why people who don’t vote like them are obviously stupid and probably evil.

Advanced algorithms will automatically recognise workarounds like ‘Shillary’ and ‘Drumpf’ and block those too so you don’t have to waste precious seconds of your life watching people you like acting like eight year-olds.

The feature will automatically deactivate 3 months after the election so you don’t have to see the cries of bitter rage or smug gloating which will inevitably follow, and leave time for the Internet to re-establish its normal equilibrium of cat memes and pictures of people’s lunch.

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