Saturday 19 March 2016 by Gary Stanton

Iain Duncan Smith spends first day as benefits scrounger


duncan smith goes to dole office

Out-of-work former minister Iain Duncan Smith has spent his first full day as a burden on the state.

Arriving at his Saturday Jobseekers Club, the ex Work and Pensions Secretary wasted no time in claiming what is rightfully his.

The arch Eurosceptic has already amassed a number of helpful benefits leaflets, featuring fake quotes from fictional people that he approved while in office.

However the MP for Woodford Green will first need to undergo a humiliating ATOS assessment to determine if he is mentally capable of resuming work.

The hour-long exhaustive interview will focus on what IDS can do rather than what he can’t, with preying on the vulnerable likely to be high up on the list.

Jobcentre Clerk, Simon Williams, said, “Mr Duncan Smith landed his last role after employing a team of ghostwriters to work on his CV.

“But how many firms want to risk employing a man in his late fifties with a reputation for being an obnoxious fucking cunt?”

As a man on what is commonly referred to as the ‘scrapheap’, Mr Duncan Smith could become trapped in a circle of welfare dependency, culminating in prostitution or his own tragic suicide.

Williams added, “Duncan Smith better hope he doesn’t lose a limb to diabetes because things are pretty tough out there for the disabled.”

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