Friday 18 March 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Conservative rebellion discover plans to Osborne Death Star


George Osborne Death Star

Conservative rebels have uncovered the devious plans of the Sith Lord, George Osborne.

The rebellion came to be following several Conservative MPs realising that taking disability benefit from people that can’t even run after you is probably a little unfair.

“And now he plans to build a space station so big that you could mistake it for the moon,” said Conservative rebel, Simon Williams.

“I wouldn’t mind usually but it’s going to cost about £72 trillion, which we can’t really justify while we’re this busy forcing cripples into poverty.

“We’ve got a vague plan to blow it up but it’s a bit complicated and involves special swords of some kind… I don’t know, I tuned in and out of the meeting, to be honest.”

A spokesperson for Osborne said, “of course the Chancellor is not planning to build an enormous, bloody impressive space station.

“Nor is he planning to become hideously disfigured, shoot lightning from his fingers or convince Carol Thatcher that she is the ‘chosen one’.

“Not until after the next election, anyway.”

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