Thursday 17 March 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Osborne to prepare kids for 40-hour week doing something they hate


Osborne 40 hour school week

George Osborne has lengthened the school day so children are not shocked when they begin their working lives doing something they hate for 40-hours a week.

Osborne said, “By the time their generation reaches working age, there will be sod all left in the pension pot.

“Literally nothing. It’s used to pay for stuff like this fancy red briefcase.

“The only way to pay for the liberties we’re taking right now – such as wallpaper companies paying fuck-all corporation tax, despite the Chancellor of the Exchequer moaning about tax avoidance, to use a generic example – is by deferring paying it back until ‘The Future’.

“This way, we don’t have to change anything about our current excess, and our children – and our children’s children – can work their arses off having to not only support us in our care requirements, but also paying off our incomprehensible debt.

Treasury advisor Simon Williams elucidated further, “Let’s face it: we’ll probably have cured cancer, so they’ll be looking after us from retirement at 68 ‘til we’re 1000 years old, whilst working until they’re 680.

“The NHS will have disappeared, so they’ll be paying for our drugs and the top 0.00000001% will own 150% of the world’s wealth.

“So getting them to spend longer doing something they hate, right now, will prepare them for the inevitable life of soul-destroying work that they have ahead of them.

“Don’t worry, this won’t be for more academic lessons; we’ll be educating them in chimney-sweepery and sending them down training mines.”

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