Wednesday 16 March 2016 by Sam Smith

Warnings that driverless lorries could end golden age of catcalling


Driverless lorries

A new initiative to see Britain’s roads awash with ‘driverless’ lorries looks set to do away with the age-old tradition of catcalling.

Simon Williams, head of the lorry driver’s Union Red Lorry Yellow Lorry has warned that the absence of drivers behind the wheel could be the final nail in the coffin for derogatory comments yelled from articulated vehicles at the fairer sex.

“Clearly, this is yet another move by this bleeding heart liberal government to pander to the whining minorities of this once great nation.

“What next, construction worker-less building sites? I don’t want to live in a world where women are able to walk down the street in knee-high boots and leopard-print crop-tops and not be subject to a torrent of misogynistic abuse.”

However, transport minister Ned Blick has rubbished the claims, saying that men anonymously shouting sexist things at women from the safety of their cabs still has a place in 21st century Britain.

“It’s as British as bowler hats and colonialism, and we’re not about to let those waffle eaters over in Brussels tell us what to do when it comes to making the female population feel less empowered.”

Wallasey adds that, “The alternative, whereby members of the opposite sex are allowed to walk around retail parks and industrial estates with impunity, just doesn’t bear thinking about.

“If they were planning on replacing us with robots, that’d be one thing. You can program them to be sexist. But you can’t work with thin air.”

A petition to ‘tell those Poirot-creating Belgians to stick their futuristic lorries where the sun don’t shine’ has already garnered 150 signatures, 100 of them from Jeremy Clarkson.

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