Tuesday 15 March 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Brexit could ‘tear apart the fabric of space and time’


Brexit

Following warnings that Britain leaving the EU could lead to disaster for the farmers, problems with NATO, a trade stasis and Barack Obama being not so much angry as disappointed, the ‘In’ campaign has issued the direst warning yet.

“If Britain leaves the EU, it could tear apart the very fabric of space and time,” said David Cameron yesterday.

“We’ve had our top scientists looking into this, and the projections are simply terrifying.”

Mr Cameron went on to detail exactly what could be expected.

“Immediately on leaving the EU, the skies would darken and a great chasm would appear in the sky; a hole in space and time, and we can only speculate what would come through it.”

“Personally, I think it would be some form of space-goblins from another dimension, and they’d almost certainly introduce a far more complex bureaucracy than the EU’s, and then eat your wife and turn your cat into a novelty soft toy that won’t conform to any sort of child safety standards.”

He was quick to respond when asked exactly who the ‘top scientists’ were.

“Brian Cox and the one in the wheelchair. Robot chap. It doesn’t matter, what matters is the terrifying picture of space-goblins from another dimension pouring through a rift in space and time because that’s definitely what will happen if everyone votes ‘out’.”

The public remain unconvinced.

“Yeah, that sounds bad,” said self-confessed Eurosceptic Simon Williams.

“But, you know, if we stay in then we get immigrants and that, so I’m still leaning towards ‘Out’.”

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