Saturday 12 March 2016 by Alex Marsh

Brexit Tories: EU savings will absolutely definitely go to the NHS, honest


Brexit

Halting the UK’s financial contributions to Europe will free up loads of money for the NHS and other things we’ve always really been totally behind, senior Tory eurosceptics insisted today.

“We’re wasting billions of pounds a year that could go towards health care and schools,” said a spokesman.

“And infrastructure improvements, and social care, and all the other things we’ve always been noticeably passionate about.

“Sorry – did I say ‘could go’? I meant ‘will go’. The money definitely will go to that sort of thing, with the whole country seeing the financial benefits. You can trust us.”

Track record

“I think our track record shows that whenever we have any spare cash in the Treasury we always put it towards things that benefit society as a whole,” continued the spokesman.

“Not tax cuts or anything like that.

“After all, we’re talking – what – ten, fifteen billion pounds a year? I mean, we could get shedloads of new nurses for that, although to be honest there would still be quite a bit left over to perhaps think about further easing the massive burden on very rich people.

“But of course our main priority would be the nurses. We’d definitely recruit at least a hundred of them.

“And perhaps spend a few quid on potholes. After that, we’ll look after the rest.”

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