Wednesday 9 March 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Shopping on a Sunday ‘not a big deal compared to everything else you’re doing’ says God


Sunday Trading

God is less bothered about Sunday trading than he is about the various atrocities occurring around the world.

“He that is called I am” made the rare public statement following discussions by Parliament regarding the relaxing of Sunday trading laws.

“Yeah, it’s a comparatively small thing,” shrugged the self-styled way, truth and light.

“I mean maybe talk about stopping all these wars, the general demonization of the poor and afflicted and the fact that you’ve given some kind of platform to that mistake I made that you call Katie Hopkins…once you’ve handled all of that, then maybe the time at which you shop for tat in Primark might look important.

“I mean seriously, at the rate you’re going, I’m considering sending myself to earth again in human form. And it’s not because some of you are trawling round Lidl of a Sunday afternoon.”

Local MP, Norman Bugger-Crumpets, said, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear from God, but he has absolutely no place in this debate.

“I doubt he has much need to do food shopping anyway what with that magic trick he can do with bread and fish.”

God retorted, “That was actually my son, although technically he’s me as well. So yeah, fair enough.”

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