Wednesday 9 March 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Queen has no opinions on anything at all, confirms Palace


Queen has no opinions on anything

Queen Elizabeth II remains neutral on absolutely everything ever, according to reports today.

The much-loved sequel to Queen Elizabeth I was rumoured to be in favour of a British exit from the European Union, but palace officials have insisted that this is not the case, nor is it not not the case.

“Her Majesty remains an enigma within a monarch wrapped in a silk velvet robe,” confirmed a palace spokesperson.

“Honestly, her opinions and preferences are so nondescript that getting her to choose something for dinner is a fucking nightmare, let alone asking her to pass judgement on the EU referendum.

“As per usual, she’s happy to go along with, and I quote, ‘whatever the little bastards want’.

“She’s very gracious in that regard.

“I’d enjoy this while you can if I were you. Once Prince Charles wedges that crown onto his bonce it’s going to be nothing but recycle this, recycle that.

“And we’ll all have to read to our plants before bed.”

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