Tuesday 8 March 2016 by DavyWavy

Philosophy undergraduate already planning how to spend his millions


Philosophy student excited by lucrative career

A Philosophy undergraduate has taken time off from writing an essay on Foucault this afternoon to daydream about how he will spend his undoubtedly huge future salary.

Flicking to a site specialising in selling private islands, undergraduate Simon Williams is considering whether a palm-bedecked desert island or a more austere retreat off the coast of Scotland would better help him in uncovering the true meaning of existence after he graduates and gets a highly-paid jet-setting role in international Philosophy.

After some thought, he has concluded that a Gulfstream G650ER will provide the perfect travelling environment to crack the tricky free will/determinism argument.

“An awareness of epistemes, the concealed patterns which facilitate change, and their interconnectedness with subjectivity is a passport to the big leagues,” he emailed to his friend Charles, who is revising for an English Literature exam.

“If I can crack the nature and limits of the thinkable, well, the sky’s the limit in wage expectations.

“I hear that a solid 2:1 with a focus on the mind:body dichotomy can get you opening offers in the eighty to hundred k bracket from the Rationalist circuit, rising to six figures within three years.”

At time of writing he has put a flyer advertising a McDonald’s graduate recruitment fair in the bin, a move which he will come to regret.

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