Tuesday 8 March 2016 by Davywavy

Goths lose their shit after scientists discover colour darker than black


Goths

The discovery of the darkest substance ever by scientists has led to goths collectively losing their shit this morning.

Vantablack, made of microtubes which absorb more than 99.96% of light, is described as being a massive breakthrough with applications in a variety of industries including photography, art and painting your bedroom to better express the cosmic darkness within the depths of your heart.

Reports suggest that light appears to simply vanish when striking the new substance, and Goths are also demanding that it be made available as a hair dye immediately.

The inventors of Vantablack report they have been inundated with requests to use the material for making trenchcoats, long flowy frocks, stompy boots, and as the cover of a notebook used for writing angsty poetry about death.

“We regret that it will not be possible to supply cats in our new colour, so please stop asking”, said spokesman Simon Williams.

“Anyway, even if we could they’d just vanish into your Vantablack carpet and you’d keep treading on them.

“And please don’t ring us anymore about lipstick and eyeshadow because you’re dressing for an erotic funeral.

“Seriously, what is it with you people?”

A spokesman for the goth community said that Vantablack is a rubbish name, and suggest it be rebranded as ‘Black, black, black, black, number one’ immediately.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: