Tuesday 8 March 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Disappointment as Chelmsford shopping precinct not named Britain’s most popular attraction


Chelmsford Shopping centre

The British Museum was named Great Britain’s most popular tourist attraction yesterday, to the consternation and dismay of the people of Chelmsford who once again found their High Chelmer shopping precinct overlooked.

“I’m gutted, frankly,” said local councillor Simon Williams in response to the announcement.

“I mean, we’ve got the nail bar, a Starburger, some benches. I don’t know what more we can do.

“We’ve got an X-Factor audition here next week. Has the British Museum? No, of course it hasn’t. Yet, according to this list more people want to go there than High Chelmer. It’s mind-boggling.”

High Chelmer is currently the most popular shopping precinct in Chelmsford, however that is small consolation to Mr Williams.

“Alright, so we probably don’t have as many historically significant artefacts as the British Museum, but I tell you this; we’ve never stolen a load of marbles off of Greece and put them in a big cabinet in the lobby.”

The people of Chelmsford were equally bemused.

“British Museum?” said one passer-by.

“It’s shit. I took the kids there last year, just a load of old knackered pots. Hasn’t even got a Greggs. The precinct’s loads better, I’d definitely rather come here.”

Mr Williams refused to compromise his principles to compete with the British Museum.

“Of course I could replace HMV with a Bronze Age exhibition, but that would just be selling out. Turning High Chelmer into something it isn’t.

“Might put in a Wagamamas though, then next year we’d definitely give them a run for their money.”

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