Monday 7 March 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Mothers resume housework


woman housework

Britain’s mums have dutifully popped the marigolds back on.

Following a dizzy 24-hour period of breakfast in bed, lunch at a Harvester and a bout of oral sex lasting around 12 seconds, the country’s mothers have once again been reminded that the beds won’t make themselves.

“Nice while it lasted,” said 38 year-old mother, Elizabeth King, through a pained smile.

“But I suppose it was too much to expect the rest of my alleged family to chip in with the housework for the rest of the year.

“At least they made an effort to appreciate me on the day of the year where society tells them that they should.”

Elizabeth’s husband said, “She’s a lucky lady. Those flowers cost over four pounds.

“Yes, they’re dead now, but that cockroach under the stairs most definitely is not. So I’m hoping that will be taken care of by the time I return from the pub.”

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