Monday 7 March 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Crossfit enthusiast still banging on about it


Crossfit

The tedious prick in your office is still flapping his gums about crossfit.

Simon Williams, 27, started cross-fitting two months ago and has been banging on about it ever since, despite everyone pretending to receive a phone call once he opens his bloody mouth.

“I don’t even know why he does it,” sighed your colleague, Elizabeth King, who is also hiding from Williams.

“He’s not training for anything, he’s doing it just to get better at doing it. It sounds like a hellish, vicious circle from which there is no escape, much like having a conversation with him.

“I wouldn’t normally wish harm on anyone, but I’m really hoping he tears his hamstring in half.”

Williams said “there’s really nothing better than crossfit; I mean for me, that is; you probably wouldn’t be able to do it.

“I do it to succeed, to win, to be better than the person I was yesterday.

“Then I go home to my empty flat for a tearful wank into a sock. I’m living on the edge.”

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