Sunday 6 March 2016 by Benedict Farkerhausen

Crappy cards not worth pain of childbirth, agree mothers


Unhappy Mother's Day

Mothers across the country have agreed that cards and flowers once a year do not properly recompense them for the trauma of giving birth to a human.

With mums being showered with petrol station flowers, overpriced chocolate selection boxes and novelty Moonpig cards, this year they are all in agreement that it simply wasn’t worth the hassle.

Janet Price, a 42-year-old mum-of-three from Basildon, said: “I was in labour for 53 hours combined and at least 30 complete strangers saw my fanny.

“Somehow my kids and husband think a couple of homemade cards and some Lush bath bombs make up for that. It doesn’t and they should just bugger off.”

Samantha Curtis, a mother from Norwich, added: “I would genuinely rather not get anything at all than a hastily bought box of Ferrero Rocher which acts purely as a reminder of the hellish time I spent on the maternity ward trying to squeeze out my awful kids.

“I’m allergic to hazelnuts and all, so my two sons will have to eat them anyway.”

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