Thursday 3 March 2016 by Alex Webster

Russia accuses British government of ‘weaponising’ stag dos


Stag do in Europe

Russia has accused the government of ‘exporting terror’ through the use of stag parties to Eastern Europe.

Yesterday, a senior NATO commander claimed that Russia is deliberately protracting the war in Syria in order to create a migrant problem for the EU.

However, Putin’s government has hit back, saying that so-called ‘stag parties’ to eastern Europe are in fact an insidious weapon dreamt up to make those places unbearable for the people who live there.

Simonasy Williamsev told reporters at the Kremlin, “These groups of loud, obnoxious men will invade towns and cities, causing shortages of lager and contraceptives, wasting police time and generally annoying the hell out of everyone.

“Our once pretty streets are now a mess of vomit and novelty headgear, and the once quiet suburbs have been disturbed by the many cheap flights landing miles away from town.

“The Cameron regime has deliberately raised tax to force these cheapskate twats overseas, thereby destabilising our budget hotel and paintball-based economies.”

A Downing Street spokesperson was dismissive, “This is absolutely untrue, although I wish we had thought of it to be honest. Imagine if we’d had these stag morons during the Cold War.”

The Polish government has confirmed that it’s capital, Warsaw, is now a flagship branch of Wetherspoons.

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