Thursday 3 March 2016 by Neil Tollfree

‘I before E, except after C’ deniers form separatist linguistic group


Grammar Pedant

Academics are today concerned after the formation of a new breakaway group of linguists who believe the ‘I before E, except after C’ rule to be a heretical fallacy.

The new group was formed after their first meeting in Tewksbury.

The new ‘I before E, if you feel like it’ group is led by fanatical linguist Doctor Simon Williams.

“The important thing to clarify is that we are absolutely not a terrorist organisation,” he claimed.

“We do, however, hold that the age-old assertion that ‘I before E, except after C’ holds true is a nonsensical dogma perpetuated solely for the benefit and profit of grammar instruction book publishers.

“I mean, just look at ‘beige,’ ‘foreign,’ and ‘heifer,’ not a ‘C’ in sight. But you won’t hear that from so-called ‘traditional’ linguists. ‘Traditional?’ Tossers, more like.”

However, there still remains many who will staunchly defend the ‘I before E, except after C’ rule, such as Professor Elizabeth Heaton.

“Yes, I know of Doctor Williams and his anarchist ‘I before E, whatever’ nonsense. But that’s all it is; nonsense.

“I mean, look at ‘receipt,’ ‘brief’, and ‘shield,’ and there are loads more, believe me…Ooo, believe, that’s another one.

“He’s just a prick.”

The world can only look on with growing concern at a rift that can seemingly be won by niether side…no, neither side.

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