Wednesday 2 March 2016 by Lucas Wilde

‘Donald. Fucking. Trump?’ asks everyone


Donald Trump super tuesday

Everyone has looked at this morning’s news and enquired “Donald. Fucking. Trump?”

After the polls of “Super Tuesday”, the day in which most American states pick who they would like to bomb foreign children for a four year period, it became increasingly clear than Donald “Fucking” Trump will more than likely be the Republican Presidential candidate.

“Donald. Fucking. Trump?” demanded Simon Williams.

“I mean…it was funny for a bit because he obviously wasn’t going to get anywhere, but now he IS getting somewhere, and it’s become objectively horrifying.

“He’s mocked the disabled, written off entire races and religions as scum and suggested a war hero isn’t a hero because he was imprisoned for a bit.

“If you said that sort of stuff in Britain, you would be thrown out of any election, hounded and vilified, and eventually given a column in the Daily Mail.

“I just don’t understand America. But then this is the country that invented spray-on cheese, so I suppose nothing should surprise me.

“But even so…Donald. Fucking. Trump?”

Mr. Trump was celebrating his sweep of the polls this morning by looking into an evil mirror, admiring his definitely-real hair and laughing like a lunatic while eating a cream bun.

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