Tuesday 1 March 2016 by Gary Stanton

Calais ‘jungle’ bulldozers to start work on Middlesbrough


Bulldozers to look at Middlesbrough

The bulldozers currently being used to squash migrants in Calais could be used to remove Middlesbrough.

Teeside has been earmarked for a redeployment of French refugee-shifters after the machines proved themselves to be highly efficient at eradicating festering shitholes.

And a plan could come into force as early as next Tuesday as David Cameron’s government seeks a Final Solution to the North East question.

The clearance program will include schools that were already empty, while sparing places of worship such as the Riverside Stadium.

Meanwhile a number of clashes have erupted across the North East’s capital, but these were later dismissed as normal for any night of the week.

Middlesbrough’s squalid conditions have been described as a jungle by officials, but people who live there insist it’s not that warm.

Home Office spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “Locals trying to escape the town on previous occasions have attempted to board lorries bound for Calais, but were forced back with tear gas.”

Middlesbrough resident, John Goodier, said, “All I want is a better life for my children and some of those containers in Calais are worth more than my house.”

Although the fate of long-suffering Middlesbrough residents has not been finalised, Tory ministers will refer to them as having ‘gone to live in Sunderland’.

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