Monday 29 February 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Man claims to enjoy ‘critically acclaimed’ film


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An otherwise normal man has claimed to enjoy a film that only a film critic could love.

Simon Williams, 49, sat down by himself to watch There Will Be Blood for the first time with a deliberately poncey bottle of wine and also laid out some cheese, for reasons which remain unclear.

“It was a spectacular film” confirmed Williams.

“I mean, nothing blew up, and it wasn’t funny, and it was really, really long. But I loved it anyway. I liked how Daniel Day-Lewis was really good at the acting.

“It was really clear to me that the whole thing was an allegory of the American obsession with oil, and that the oil represented money; just like how the money in Ocean’s Eleven represents money because it is money.

“I’d definitely watch it again. It might even be my new favourite film, after Transformers and Porky’s, obviously.”

Simon’s wife said “he was playing Candy Crush for most of it.”

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