Monday 29 February 2016 by Davywavy

I was robbed, says bear


Bear wins Oscar

Hollywood has been rocked by Leonard DiCaprio’s co-star in The Revenant claiming he was ‘robbed’ of an Oscar this morning.

The Best Actor Oscar was won by Leonardo DiCaprio whilst his co-star didn’t even get a nomination despite an arguably more natural performance.

In interview the bear angrily denounced the Academy, claiming it is inherently anti-ursine and the achievements of performing bears are routinely overlooked by the organisation.

Sources close to the bear claimed he was ‘tired and emotional’ after staying up all night guzzling honey at an afterparty, although acknowledging he had been angry about being overlooked for a nomination for some time.

“I’m a student of the Stanislavsky method, darling,” the bear told us. “I spent my entire life living wild in the forest, eating nothing but what I could catch for myself in preparation for the role.

“And you wouldn’t believe my toilet facilities.

“DiCaprio just got the award because it was ‘his turn’. Well, I was talking to Ken and Em and dear, dear Ian and we just all agreed, when’s the bear’s turn?

“I tell you, performing animals are criminally underrepresented in Hollywood and have been ever since Lindsey Lohan’s career went down the pan.”

Patrick Stewart has lent his voice in support of a Twitter campaign for recognition under the hashtag #followthebear.

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