Monday 29 February 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Ant and Dec give dream holiday to Keyser Soze


Ant and Dec give holiday to Kaiser Soze

Ant and Dec have awarded that bloke off The Usual Suspects with a luxury cruise.

The prize comes days after the Saturday Night Takeaway hosts rewarded a woman who skived off work for a few months in order to go on holiday, as all truly deserving people do.

“Keyser is a worthy winner,” said the show’s producer, Simon Williams.

“If we’re going to start rewarding people for pretending to be ill, injured or handicapped, then we can’t really leave out the most famous fraudster of all time.

“Plus I think people really enjoyed him in that documentary, so they might get a little less stroppy than when we rewarded some lying bint for faking a shoulder injury and lying to her boss.

“Essentially, we’re in the business of joy.”

Elizabeth King, a grown man who chooses to watch the programme, said “oh yeah, Soze can have it, he’s a legend. I’m still a bit miffed about that lass with the shoulder though.

“I tried calling in sick for work when I wasn’t once in order to attend my grandfather’s funeral, and the guilt drove me to drink. God knows how she sleeps at night.

“Oh, on a boat, the boat on the cruise. Great.”

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