Tuesday 23 February 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Staying in EU would see more wasps, rain, and nasty coughs says Boris


Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson launched an impassioned appeal to leave the EU yesterday, saying that Britain would ‘definitely’ see more wasps, rain, and nasty coughs if it remained in the EU.

“I know that independence is not perfect,” said the London Mayor

“But I am fully confident of the advantages to Great Britain of leaving the EU.”

“Only four short weeks ago, member countries imposed a deal for an unlimited flow of wasps across the continent.

“This will see Great Britain forced not only to deal with it’s own wasps, but wasps from as far away as the Ukraine and Greece.”

“And take the example of rain,” he continued.

“Since joining the EU some forty years ago, we have seen an increase in rain of over 170%. That’s over 16,000 mm of rain in our country as a direct result of EU agreements.”

Whilst the mayor could not produce figures to back up claims that remaining in the EU would see an increase in nasty coughs, he claimed it was hard to argue against.

“I mean, come on, vast swathes of people moving across the continent, of course they’re going to bring more nasty coughs with them. And sniffles.

“And I think that more nasty coughs is something we can all agree is a bad thing.”

Boris is expected to list three more things that the EU is rubbish at tomorrow, and every day for the next four months.

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