Tuesday 23 February 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Staying in EU would see more cute dogs, cake and sexy kissing says Cameron


David Cameron

David Cameron launched an impassioned appeal to stay in the EU yesterday, saying that Britain would ‘definitely’ see more cute dogs, cake, and sexy kissing if it remained in the EU.

“I know that the EU is not perfect,” said the PM.

“But I am fully confident of the advantages to Great Britain of remaining in the EU.

“Only four short weeks ago, we secured a deal with the member countries for an unlimited flow of cake across the continent.

“This will see the cost of cake lowered, and the availability of cake improved.

“And take the example of cute dogs,” he continued.

“Since joining the EU some forty years ago, we have seen an increase in cute dogs of over 220%. That’s over 90,000 cute dogs in our country as a direct result of EU agreements.”

Whilst the Prime Minister could not produce figures to back up claims that reamining in the EU would see an increase in sexy kissing, he claimed it was hard to argue against.

“I mean, come on, it’s the French and the Italians. Of course that’ll bring more sexy kissing. They rarely do anything else.

“And I think that more sexy kissing is something we can all agree is a good thing.”

The Prime Minister is expected to list three more things that the EU is brilliant at tomorrow, and every day for the next four months.

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