Thursday 18 February 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Pope puts ancient papal curse on crowd who jostled him


Pope Francis

Pope Francis showed a darker side to the papacy yesterday when he placed an ancient, mystical papal curse on a two-thousand strong crowd in Mexico who nearly knocked him to the floor.

“His Holiness was angry” – the chilling words of onlooker Simon Williams.

The Pope was greeting a large crowd in Mexico. Initially he was calm in the face of repeated attempts to grab at his gowns, but when he was nearly pulled to the ground, his demeanour changed.

“I was very scared,” said Mr Williams.

“There was fire in His Holiness eyes and he became very still. Then his eyes rolled back into his head and he rose floating so high above the ground,” before indicating a distance of about an inch.

“Then he was muttering in an ancient language and I felt very sick, and the woman next to be was sick on the floor like a dog. It is very bad for us.”

It is thought that the Pope put an ancient Papal curse of biliousness on the crowd for their disrespect.

Although Popes rarely use their magic, they attain the post by being the most powerful wizard in the Catholic World.

The Vatican moved to reassure those afflicted by the curse of biliousness saying it should wear off in a week or so, and reminded the world that Popes will only ever use magic if threatened.

The last Pope known to use magic was Bl. Paul VI who turned a colleague into a frog when he beat him at badminton.

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