Wednesday 17 February 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Coldplay to change name to F**king Coldplay


Popular rock group Coldplay have announced that they are changing their name to F**king Coldplay with immediate effect.

The decision was made to simply make official the name by which the group have been known as for years.

“I don’t know anyone who still calls them Coldplay,” said Simon Williams; music blogger and twice winner of the ‘Most irritating facial hair in Hoxton’ award.

“It’s all ‘Who’s that on the radio?’ ‘F**king Coldplay.’ ‘Who’s that getting in the way of Beyonce at the Superbowl?’ ‘F**king Coldplay.’ ‘What was Gwyneth Paltrow doing for the best part of the last decade?’ ‘F**king Coldplay’.

“The name change is definitely a good idea.”

The group said they wanted to have the name change in place for their recently announced headline slot at Glastonbury.

“Yeah, that’s a really smart move,” continued Mr Williams.

“It could get confusing, you know ‘Shall we go and see Coldplay or the troop of Lithuanian vagina flautists?’ ‘Well, not f**king Coldplay, obviously,’ ‘F**king Coldplay, is that the same as Coldplay?’

“It just clears it up for everyone. They’re F**king Coldplay, and that’s that.”

It is expected that other acts could soon follow suit and F**king Coldplay will be joined in the charts F**king Ed Sheeren and F**king him out of F**king One Direction.

Ever the pioneer, Kanye West is expected to go with F**king Kanye F**king West.

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